What Makes Some Support More Naughty than Nice?

It appears—judging by articles along the lines of the NY Times’ recent piece on “The Magic of Less Holiday Magic”—that many people are overwhelmed at the prospect of keeping up the fun of the ho-ho-holidays.

For them it’s more magical to abandon the magic.

I get that.

That said, this past week I also had the experience of being supported when—after ignoring the instruction for some time—I put a yoga mat underneath my heels while I did the above pose.

Perhaps I’m a slow learner, but it turns out that sometimes support can (gasp) be supportive.

So if you are yearning to celebrate the holidays in style—but aren’t because the idea of asking for help feels so yuck—what can you do?

In my case, I needed to realize that some of the discomfort was coming from me: I had a vision and was intent on doing it all myself.

Now, this was OK when the doing brought me joy. It was when I found myself putting on my (figurative) hair shirt that it became a problem.

(FYI: martyrdom and merriment don’t mix.) 

I needed to get over myself and ask for help.

Which brought me to the second piece:

Who to ask for help?

Turns out it can be tricky bit to find someone whose support will be non-judgmental (Safety tip: The person who comments, “Of course I’ll help, you always look so frazzled,” shouldn’t be your first choice.)

Similarly, I don’t recommend asking the person who is going to treat it like a favor to be called in at a later date.

Instead, I recommend finding someone who opens with, “I love doing it because I love you.”

Because that, my friends, is some serious holiday magic.


Unsure whether someone in your life should be on the Naughty or Nice list? Take a look at, “Don’t Weaponize My Shame.”