It’s possible today’s post might be a bit controversial…. let’s dive in:
Over the years I’ve been in business, I’ve had the opportunity to experience, and been privy to, any number of different situations.
Something I began to notice a few years ago was that anytime someone burst out with an aggressive “You’re lying!” it was more than likely they were the one erring on the grey side of the truth. Also, that people who felt compelled to state, “You can trust me….” could rarely be trusted.
Have any of you experienced this phenomenon?
Here, I was interested enough in my unofficial, unscientific discoveries to speak to a number of mental health professionals about my observations, and their comments were enlightening.
First, they noted that yes, this phenomenon does occur. More interesting to me, however, was the reason for its occurrence: namely, that people who lie automatically assume others lie as well—they can’t imagine a lie-free existence. Similarly, those who feel compelled to say, “You can trust me…” do so because there’s a reason they can’t be trusted. They state it, in lieu of embodying it.
(One of my consultants also noted—which was almost more fascinating—that lying isn’t personal; though I admit it often feels that way. In point of fact, however, liars lie to everyone—not just to you.)
What this did was to make me—and those clients with whom I work that have experienced this– feel less blindsided by the “You’re lying!” outburst. Now, rather than becoming defensive, we know to start digging. As for those who state, “You can trust me…” They might as well be telling us, “Something is not right”
Like Miss Clavel, we know there will undoubtedly be an emergency in the night….