A Treasury of March Malapropisms

In addition to collecting redundancies (and if you missed that entry, you can check it out here: “Redundancy Alert: or Why Adele’s Song “Someone Like You Drives Me Mad” ) I’m also a collector of malapropisms, the Wikipedia definition of which is, “A malapropism is the production of an incorrect word in place of a word with a similar sound, resulting in a nonsensical, often humorous utterance.”

Below, a few to cheer you as we say goodbye to a bitter March—and welcome April with open arms.

My first two come to you via the Housewives-of-Whatever-Town-You-Enjoy-“Hate Watching” (as my friend Eric refers to a show that sucks your soul away—and yet there you are again…in front of the set…) Thankfully, these lovely ladies can always be counted on to provide entertainment for a malaprop-loving-soul.

Run the gambit: substituted for “Run the gamut” it seemed particularly apt in the housewifely context—where gambits, i.e. maneuvers, stratagem, and ploys run the gamut.

Knock it up to experience: substituted for “Chalk it up to experience” it, again, seemed beautifully apt in the context of housewife-fun, where getting knocked up is likely to be chalked up as just one more experience.

Up and atom: My father often woke us with the phrase “Up and at’em”; this variance arrived in my inbox on a particularly busy morning. Given that I was feeling a bit like the atom bomb had dropped, it cheered me up enormously.

Throws of parenting:  Ah, throws vs. throes….I noted this as a portion of one overworked parent’s Facebook status and consoled myself by thinking that perhaps she was merely channeling the hope of throwing the baby out with the bathwater and so, this was a mere Freudian slip.

In sink:  One would hope that—at the very least– the boy-band ‘N Sync would have spared me from being reassured by a client that we were ‘in sink’. Alas, it was not to be.

Potato Leak Soup: Despite being touted as the special of the day at my one of my favorite local restaurants, I could not bring my self to order it…..

Should ‘April Showers’ hold our spring rejoicing at bay, I hope you will send along some of your favorite malapropisms to cheer my soul.

Frances Cole Jones