I recently spent a (wonderful!) few days in Lansing, Michigan, doing a day long Wow Workshop.*

Among the many concepts we covered was the importance of having an appropriate “listening” face: i.e., a face that is welcoming/engaged/expectant as opposed to blank/bored/tired.

The reason “Why?” should be apparent, but in case it’s not: people are far more likely to open up and share their creativity/talent/smarts if you look as if you can’t wait to hear what they are about to say.

So how can you ensure your have a marvelous listening face? With the “pumpkin/raisin” face exercise, of course! (FYI: the attached photo is of me demonstrating the pumpkin/raisin mechanics.)

How do you do it? It’s simple enough. First, you make your face as big as a jack o’ lantern: stretch your mouth into an enormous grin, open your eyes as wide as you possibly can, stick out your tongue as far as you possibly can. Next, you make your face as small as a raisin: purse your mouth as tightly as you can, squeeze your eyes closed, suck your cheeks in, furrow your brow. Then, become a pumpkin again, then a raisin, then a pumpkin, then a raisin…you get the idea.

Why does this help? Well, you have forty-four muscles in your face, and only four of them are used for chewing. Most of the time, however, those are the only muscles getting the biggest workout. We use a few more to yickety yak, but day-to-day the muscles controlling our potential range of facial expressions rarely get used.

Additionally, in the same way the other muscles in our body get tense when we’re nervous, the muscles in our face get tense when we’re nervous, limiting our potential expressiveness even further.

Did some of the days’ attendees at first feel silly doing this exercise? Yes. Do many of my clients initially resent me enormously for making them do this exercise? You bet. But when you look at yourself in a mirror, or on videotape, after doing it you will see the difference immediately. Your face will be more alive, more expressive, more interesting. The words you say will seem to carry more weight. You will find the people around you are participating more eagerly; the ideas are flowing more freely; they are giving their all…

All of which is, to me, worth a few moments of feeling silly.

Frances Cole Jones

* Thank you to the team at the Property Management Association of Mid-Michigan: Karen, Rick, Tara, Diana and Heather for an outstanding experience; and to Lynne, the owner of the beautiful space we used (www.perspective2studio.com) for taking the photo!

As some of you know, I was an avid tweeter until about a year ago when an…incident…. occurred on my account. (Have you ever noticed how the Metropolitan Transit Authority-types enjoy employing the word ‘incident’?  A voice comes over the loudspeaker proclaiming, “There’s been an ‘incident’ on the 6 train” Far better than, “Someone just got mugged on the 6 train.” At any rate…)

Due to the incident, Twitter and I took a break from one another. Today, however, I’m happy to announce our differences have been resolved. So in the spirit of recommitting to Twitter, I’m sending along a few do’s and don’ts for building your own Twitter following. Rule number one:

• Tweets are forever: Don’t tweet anything you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the New York Times.

After that, the other elements I consider mandatory are:

• Be amusing without being mean-spirited.

For example, I have tweeted about T-shirt slogans I found preposterous:  i.e. that “Avoid Responsibility” is not the slogan-T to I’d wear to work; nor would I choose cant.function@xxx.com as the email address on my résumé.

• Offer actionable information people can use to run their business, or their life, more efficiently.

For myself, this has included items along the lines of “Here’s a great telephone greeting I heard,” and “Wow, this big box store understands customer service. Not only gave my dog a cart to ride in- they gave him a pillow to sit on.” In both cases, both readers, and the businesses mentioned, wrote to thank me.

• Additionally, and despite the 140 character restrictions, do not fall back on abbreviations, emoticons, and/or any other trappings of the junior high school set.

As you’re not in high school anymore, your tweets shouldn’t sound like you’re stuck in detention.

Used wisely, Twitter is a great way to help others feel connected to you and your business. But just because its immediacy gives it a shotgun-wedding-in-Vegas feel, doesn’t mean the words you commit to it aren’t important, and binding. So tweet wisely, or forever hold your peace.

If you haven’t joined me yet, please follow me at FCJones.

Frances Cole Jones

As (very few of) you likely remember, I wrote a piece last year on the hazards of growing grass, and the business takeaways I experienced as a result of indulging my green(ish) thumb. Here’s the link if you missed it.

Given our early spring I am, once again, attempting to get grass to grow; and, once again, I find myself surprisingly loquacious on the business lessons I am taking away:

Yes, the bald spot is disconcerting: Part of the reason I’m in this frenzy of grass growing is that I moved a whole lot of plants that didn’t work for me. (Don’t worry, I didn’t just throw them in the rubbish bin, I simply moved them out of my sight line.) When faced with the results of my decision, however, I must say I was a bit disconcerted. There was even that one, wild, moment when I considered moving everything back where it had been. But the fact remains, you have to clear out the old to make room for the new—and despite how unattractive that initial bald spot may be it does have the potential for new growth.

For a long time you will simply think you’re watering a mud pit:  I can’t tell you how many evenings I spent standing around my yard with a hose (in shoes I could hose off, no less—always guaranteed to make a girl feel glamorous) thinking, “This is the stupidest waste of time imaginable. I am watering mud.”  I had, however, been told about the importance of watering every day, so I watered every day. In my experience, business works much the same way. Regardless of how preposterous/unrewarding/futile something may sometimes seem, the main thing—as always—is to keep showing up.

There will always be people who point out how you’re not doing it correctly:  I call these types, ‘gawkers and stalkers” and they’re very different from actual, gardening experts whose opinions I’ve actively solicited. Instead, these people show up with no intention of getting their hands dirty (not to mention no experience of gardening) solely to point out that you’ve planted too early or too late; you’re watering too much or too little; you used the wrong kind of fertilizer; your efforts will be wasted regardless because of global warming, etc. As hard as it can be to tune them out, this is what’s necessary. My grass is growing, regardless of their remarks. Your business is the same: solicited, expert opinions are invaluable. As for the rest? Turn a mental hose on them.

Happy growing,

Frances Cole Jones

I recently did another set of videos for eHow, this time the on “Appropriate Attire for All Occasions”

What kind of occasions did I cover? Well, what women should wear to funerals (no matter what you wear, bring your own handkerchief!) ; what men should wear to holiday parties (no reindeer sweaters please); what everyone might wear to an outdoor cocktail party (in which I mention that a spritz of bug spray on the wrists and ankles goes a long way to improving your experience); what men might wear to a dinner interview (hint: where is it taking place?) and what everyone should wear to court (a bra– yes! a belly shirt– no!)

But here’s the complete list for your viewing pleasure:

1. What is the Attire When You Go to a Dinner Interview
2. Proper Court Attire
3. Formal Suit Etiquette
4. Acceptable Formal Attire for Cruises
5. Semi-Formal Attire: Levels of Formality
6. Etiquette for Suit Jackets
7. What Women Should Wear to a Funeral
8. Recommendations for Men’s Interview Attire at Dinner
9. What is Holiday Casual Attire for a Guy?
10. What is Outdoor Cocktail Attire?

As always, I look forward to your thoughts!

Frances Cole Jones

Watch the Entire Video Series on eHowcom →

Last week I had the great privilege of speaking at a breakfast hosted by the Women’s Roundtable for recent graduates of N.E.W– Nontraditional Employment for Women– and 12 potential employers.

Among the topics I covered was the importance of giving the “because” behind any answer you offer in an interview (and elsewhere, for that matter…) Why? Because social psychologist Ellen Langer did a study that showed that giving people the “because” behind a request increases the possibility of cooperation from 60 to 94% (No, that’s not a typo.)

In this instance, I asked a graduate on the panel how she would answer an employer who asked her about her experience at N.E.W. Her first response, “I’m very proud to be a graduate of N.E.W. It changed my life.” I then asked her to give me the “because” behind how it had done so. She said, “Because before I went to N.E.W. if someone had given me a block of wood, I would have left it lying against a wall, and now I’d go get a mitre box and make something beautiful.”

The whole room erupted in applause.

What can you learn from this? Well, as you think through the answers to the questions you might get in your next job interview (or be asked by your boss when you request a raise/or be asked by a customer regarding why they should buy your product, etc etc) ensuring you articulate the “because” behind your response is far more likely to make the person listening agree with you.

I promise you’ll be left applauding yourself.

Frances Cole Jones

To learn more about N.E.W. visit http://www.new-nyc.org.

If you are interested in hiring a N.E.W. graduate (they’re amazing!) visit http://www.new-nyc.org/pages/employers.html

Some people herald spring with daffodils and violets. Here in the Wow World, spring is the time of year college graduates nationwide send me their cover letters for review. Based on what I’ve seen popping up, I put together the following list of 3 things every soon-to-be college graduate should keep in mind:

1. HR Directors aren’t there to make your dreams come true: Don’t begin by saying what you hope to gain by joining their firm, or that you’re sure a career in X will fulfill your goals/meet your expectations. Instead, state in your opening paragraph how and why your skills/experience/education are going to make their life better. For example, “Your job description states you are looking for someone who can do X. Not only can I do X, but I can do also do Y.”

2. Have the values/skills you claim you have: Don’t say you’re a go-getter and then never follow up after you send the cover letter. Don’t say you have a strong network in banking if you’ve only held internship positions, and don’t claim you have tech skills that can be checked by someone saying, “Let’s have you take a crack at that right now.” Paragraph two should give specifics about the actual values/skills you actually embody/possess.

3. Close with Your Hard/Soft Skill Mix: Companies frequently have several choices about who CAN do the job (the hard skills) so their choice becomes: which candidate will be a good team member/colleague? (the soft skills) Consequently, I recommend closing your letter with the phrase, “Given my work experience, my education, and my life experience, I believe I have the combination of hard and soft skills required to add immediate value to your firm.”

Since HR Directors know most students get help with their resumes, cover letters are looked at even more closely. Following these three rules ensures yours will stand up to scrutiny.

Hope this helps! If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to be in touch.

Frances Cole Jones

In the world of public speaking standing in neutral provides the same function. It’s the centered place from which you can easily move in any direction, depending on your needs, the needs of your audience, or the confines of the space you’re in.

What does standing in neutral look like? And, more importantly, why does it matter?

When you’re standing in neutral, you’re standing with your weight evenly in both feet and with your hands hanging by your sides.

Sounds simple, right?

Whether it does or doesn’t, please read on. But before you do– if you’re reading this while sitting down– get up and stand in neutral. Keep standing. Don’t fidget. Don’t shift your weight into one foot or the other. Don’t cross your arms in front of your chest or behind your back. Don’t put them in front of your groin. Leave your hands hanging loosely by your sides.

I’m guessing it’s harder than it sounded.

In fact, standing in neutral is a practice for most people. Crossing our arms in front of our chests, or interlacing our fingers in front of our groins, is programmed into us on a cellular level. It’s an instinctive gesture to protect our genitalia.

Now before you scoff– either because you don’t believe me or because the use of the world genitalia bummed you out—consider that Richard Saul Wurman, the inventor of TED, not only forbade podiums for TED talks, but also prefers glass tables, for this reason: because people are left more exposed, and so, vulnerable to each other. (For more, check out this recent NY Mag piece: http://nymag.com/news/features/ted-conferences-2012-3/)

It’s precisely for this reason that an ability to stand in neutral is powerful. Because it ‘reads’ for an audience on a visceral level as “He’s so in command of himself that he doesn’t need that protection.”

So, as noted, neutral is anything but—in fact, it is powerful. If you can practice standing this way for just a few minutes a day, it will slowly become a habit that will leave you feeling in command of yourself on any occasion.

A few months ago, I was asked by eHow.com to be their video “etiquette expert”.

The way eHow.com works is that readers send in their questions, and I answer them in (very short!) videos.

Consequently, I spent one January day, tackling the subjects below:

1. Linen Trousers Etiquette
2. What Kind of Facial Hair is Acceptable in the Corporate World?
3. Dress Etiquette at a Metropolitan Opera
4. Dining Etiquette While You Are Wearing a Suit
5. The Etiquette of Passing Dishes a the Table
6. Limousine Etiquette
7. How to Write a Fancy Letter
8. 10 Questions to Ask a Corporate Event Planner
9. The Etiquette of Eating with Fingers
10. Restaurant Etiquette for Dropped Utensils

I had a ball doing them all (though my favorites are “Limousine Etiquette” and “Restaurant Etiquette for Dropped Utensils“) I look forward to hearing which you enjoy most!

Frances

Watch the Entire Video Series →

Some people view sporting events as– well– sporting events. For me, awards shows are sporting events, as there are few things I enjoy more than listening to a good (and cringing at a bad) acceptance speech.

The article below offers 10 tips we can all take away from Oscar acceptance speeches over the years. I weigh in at tip number 9, but promise you all 10 tips, and clips, included make for marvelous viewing.

I look forward to being “court side” by 5 Sunday night, as the red carpet coverage also offers endless opportunities for gasps, gaffes, laughs…. I hope you’ll be watching too– shall we plan to compare notes next week?

Read “10 Public Speaking Lessons From The Best (And Worst) Oscar Speeches In History” →

That said, I do have an enormous appreciation for hard work. Given that, I thought Jennifer Hudson’s hair-on-the-back-of-my-neck-raising performance of Whitney Houston’s “I will always love you” at last night’s Grammy’s deserves a very loud shout out.

Consider, if you will, that Ms. Hudson had less than 24 hours (likely far less by the time the news broke, the producers finished panicking, her agent could be found, and she could agree) to take on – like it or hate it—an iconic song on a worldwide stage.

(Those of you who feel impelled to point out that she didn’t, in fact, sing the whole song, please feel free to vote with your fingers and move along to another page on the www)

Having considered that, consider that Ms. Hudson not only tackled the song with enormous talent, but she didn’t feel impelled to sob, shriek, or carry on. We were not even treated to the sight of a single glistening tear. Instead, she kept the focus where it belonged: on Whitney Houston and her legacy.

On any other night, this would have been extraordinary. On a night dedicated to the appreciation of the overtly preposterous, it was downright astounding.

My takeaway? (Aside from admiring Jennifer Hudson still more than I already did) The next time I think I don’t have enough time to accomplish something in the next 24 hours I will certainly zip my lip and have at it. And, if I’m lucky, I will do it with similar grace.